CarsThe one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. ~Dave Barry
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
By the time a man can afford to buy one of those little sports cars, he's too fat to get into it.
The sports car and sailboat are investments for my retirement. I'm using them to attract a woman who will support me in my old age.
Driving - America's last surviving form of guerrilla warfare.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.
It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car.
The car has become the carapace, the protective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man. ~Marshall McLuhan
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Cars should display driver's cellphone number so you can call them and tell them to move the fuck over.
Why not give your son a motorbike for his last birthday?
Each year it seems to take less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to work.
The greater part of my official time is spent on investigating collisions between propelled vehicles, each on its own side of the road, each sounding its horn, and each stationary. ~An English Lord Chief Justice
We have statistics to prove that locomotives aren't the least afraid of automobiles.
Having an expensive car doesn't mean that you have money. It usually means that you have a big shallow hollow ego and no money.
You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
To get back on your feet, just miss two car payments.
I don't have any trouble parking. I drive a forklift.
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need baby sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
Keep tooting - I'm just reloading
Toot if you like peace and quiet
Did you ever make love in the back of a car? No? Would you like a ride home then?
Just another Lada in the showroom of life.