Religion Limericks

There were two young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is the story concerning 'em;
They lifted the frock
And diddled the cock
Of the Bishop as he was confirming 'em.

The Bishop was nobody's fool --
He'd been to a large public school;
He took down his britches
And diddled those bitches
With a twelve-inch Episcopal tool.

But that didn't bother those two;
They said as the Bishop withdrew;
"Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And longer and stronger than you."

There were two young ladies from Birmingham.
Shall I tell you the story concerning 'em?
They lifted the frock
and diddled the cock
of the bishop as he was confirming 'em.

Now the bishop was nobody's fool.
He had been to a large public school.
So he dropped down his britches
And diddled those bitches
With his six-inch episcopal tool.

Said one girl as the bishop withdrew,
"Not bad for a bishop, 'tis true.
But the prick of the vicar
Is thicker and quicker
And three inches longer than you!"

There was a young vicar called Bings
Who talked of religion and things
But his secret desire
Was a boy in the choir
With a bottom like jelly on springs.

A virgin who lived in Cape Cod
Thought babies all came from God
But 'twas not the almighty
Who lifted her nightie
But Roger the lodger, the sod.

In the garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em

There once was a pastor named Sims
Whose services ran by his whims
But that isn't explaining
Why his wife's complaining
He always does so many hims.

Religion, though thought an adviser
Instead is much more like a miser.
Holding to scripture
Despite the wrong picture,
It's older but not any wiser.

The trouble with Islam is Clerics
Whose goal is to foster hysterics.
Threaten their power
And then watch them cower
And inflame other men to barbarics.

An atheist's outlook is sunny
'Cause so much of life can be funny.
Without a hereafter
We cherish the laughter
And savor each moment like honey.

Deep down in the crypts of St. Giles,
The screaming resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, "Good Gracious,
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

A rabbi from far-off Peru
Was desperately trying to screw.
His wife said, "Oy vey!
If you keep on this way
The Messiah will come before you."